No, I don't feel patronised by what you wrote; like you, I can tell when something comes from the heart, and what you wrote clearly was from there.

I am not against Maharaji in any sense, and that message which you talk about - 'the experience and the conviction', to use your own words - is for me the most important thing there is going, as it clearly is for you. The only difference between us, possibly, is that I no longer think that Maharaji has exclusive access to it, and with that realisation comes a lot.

Through much of the 90's I was troubled by what went on around Maharaji personally - all the inner circle stuff, which I don't have to describe to you, I am sure. I tried to draw a line between my inner life - which I defined as myself, my breath, my heart, Maharaji's love for me, and the 'essence' of Maharaji's message - and the outer stuff, which I did not want any part of.

However, it became increasingly untenable to hold that dividing line, and there came a relief and profound joy with the understanding that the universe itself can be my teacher, and that I can find the love, the ultimate, whatever, within myself without needing the grace of Maharaji, or indeed anybody, other than myself.

I have no interest in preaching at you - it is my turn to apologise if you feel patronised - I only want to make my position clear.

I think everyone has to find their path, and when they find it, give themselves to it heart, soul, body and mind. I think it very beautiful that you have found that path, and have that clarity you talk of.

I have also always respected you, and been inspired by your words and your presence throughout the years, and that has only increased with your email. Please give my love and best wishes to anyone you are still in touch with who knows me. To you, it may seem that I have fallen off the wagon; but from where I am, life and consciousness are very beautiful things, and that process of becoming intimate with them has in no sense slowed down - accelerated if anything.

From my heart I also wish you the very best, and I can assure you that you have my love and respect as always.

Take care