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During the time that this Web Site was public for the first five weeks or so, I got many emails. Most were complimentary and supportive, some plain abusive, and some questioning; I entered into several email threads with this last group, and here is a summary of the points made and my responses (slightly edited). In the year Nov 7 2003 to Nov 7 2004 that this site has been public, it has had 721,521 successful page reads, which I find remarkable.

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What I don't understand about your site (and the ex-premie site) is why you put effort into putting down Maharaji.

I don't see it as 'putting Maharaji down' as you have it. If you read my site carefully, you will note that I do not attack Maharaji personally at all, only what he claims in public to be and to be able to do, and the effect he has had on my life and others.

Are you saying Maharaji should not be criticised in any way? Like he is a great royal figure, and criticising him is kind of high treason, as used to be the case with English royalty?

If you don't like Maharaji or the Knowledge any more, why not just walk away, as he says? Why not move on?

The line that both he and you take, that if you don't like it, just walk away, is disingenuous. When you have given your life virtually to someone, sunk all your hopes and dreams and aspirations in that person's message, and sacrificed most of your energies to that person, financial, material, physical and mental, for many many years, then to say you can 'walk away' is trite at best and insulting at worst.

In fact, I am moving on, and Maharaji is now just a small blip on the horizon over my shoulder as I walk on. I know that many, like you, find his message helpful; but many have also found it manipulative and destructive. I personally have no wish to insult or attack Maharaji, or 'put him down', but I do think that information should be freely available on the various opinions that exist about Maharaji and his message.

All he is saying is that if a person is looking for fullfillment and having looked everywhere else, cannot find it; then he, Maharaji, can help. Thats the whole deal.

Unfortunately, I found that it was not the whole deal, it is only half Maharaji's message. There was and is a whole other half, that Maharaji is not just helping, but actually you cannot get fulfillment without him, and from that you then have the whole grace and surrender to Maharaji that is really being asked for. If you have not heard this other half of the message, or have heard it and dismissed it, then I applaud you.

Unlike yourself, I continue to have a growing appreciation for the global effort Maharaji is making. I enjoy so much the simple coming and going of my breath and it brings me a deep feeling of peace and contentment. Knowledge works for me everyday that I choose to use it to find clarity, peace and fulfillment.

I too enjoy my breath, and a deep feeling of peace and contentment. The main difference now is that my belief system has changed; I no longer believe that Maharaji is behind or supporting my experience in any sense. In fact, I go further, and I now think that believing that Maharaji is the giver, or the facilitator, of my meditation and inner life, is in fact detrimental.

I suppose there is nothing wrong with making your disenchantment with Maharaji public, but I find it a little strange that you have done so, without mentioning the good times at all.

As a matter of fact, I do mention the good times I had with Maharaji. In my open letter I clearly state that I did have good times with him, and in my final paragraph I even thank him for those good times. If you read my site carefully, I do not attack or revile Maharaji personally; I only talk about him not being the Perfect Master, or whatever phrase is the current one (ie the person making Knowledge real for a person) and what follows from that stance. So the fact that I enjoyed Maharaji's company on many occasions does not negate what I am saying; Maharaji can be witty and good company, but I do not believe him to be the true master that I thought, and presumably you still think he is.

What is undeniable is that many people around the world enjoy listening to Maharaji and practising the techniques of Knowledge.

I don't deny it all; on the contrary, I know it for a certain fact!

Why are you going public with your disenchantment with Maharaji?

My reasons for going public are that for 30 years I furthered the propagation of Maharaji's message, and was responsible for getting many people to take Knowledge, or increasing their commitment to Maharaji as the satguru, true Master, whose grace could lighten their lives. Given how I now feel, I must make an attempt to redress the balance by making a public statement.

Note that I am not trying to persuade anybody to leave Maharaji or stop practising Knowledge, only to provide information and my own opinon, which people are free to to do with whatever they want.

It does concern me somewhat that you have chosen to try and dirty the character and reputation of Maharaji in this public way.

I have not dirtied his character or reputation, other than to say that in my opinion he is not the true master, and in my opinion never was.

I know for a fact that he has always shown you love and respect and helped you through some of your most difficult times. How could you lose your trust in that? In the early days I understand he gave you more attention that most of us probably will get in a lifetime. How can you forget to be grateful for that? Did it mean so little to you? Do you remember the incredible times you had with him?

The love and respect between Maharaji and myself went both ways. Your questions assume that Maharaji is a very special person who makes Knowledge come alive for a person, and as a consequence being in his company is a very great privilege. While I thought the same, of course I was grateful for that; and it did mean a lot to me at the time certainly.

Maharaji is not, in my opinion, what we all thought he was for so long; and although he did give me valuable insights, the negative far outweighs the positive.

I have never expected anyone to solve my problems for me and I don't expect anyone to give me peace and understanding either. My understanding is that it all comes from within. Any help I can get to feel that is gratefully received.

I feel exactly the same sentiments. But the fact is that a premie thinks of Maharaji as much more than just an 'inspirational speaker'. The Knowledge is 'his' meditation, and Maharaji is very special to a premie. Most premies even now think that Maharaji's grace is what will enlighten them, or make the Knowledge work for them. Maybe you don't think so, but if so, you are in a minority.

What I learnt from Knowledge is that the answer is inside of me and that it isn't a thought, but a feeling. That's the only message I've ever heard from Maharaji and nothing has changed. His role since getting Knowledge is to remind me of that simple fact again and again: look inside, cos you won't find it anywhere else. What I also learnt is that it's down to me, not him - it's always down to me: I make the effort, I gain the benefit - very simple. No explanations, no telling me what to feel, just do it and feel it without analysing it; just enjoy it.

Maharaji's message is really two halves: the first half is as you say, the individual needs to experience what is inside themselves; the second half is that Maharaji is necessary for this to happen, and that in fact it cannot happen without Maharaji's grace or influence - the 'mind' is too strong.

If you have not heard the second half, or have heard it and dismissed it, then you are to be congratulated; but in that case you are not a 'premie' in the usual sense of the word.

So I agree with you that going inside yourself in some sense, whether using the Knowledge or some other meditation, and depending on your own self (as you say) is a sane and productive thing to do. However, that is not the whole of Maharaji's message, and it is the belief-system that he is necessary for this process to work that I now see is false and I object to.

I don't understand those people who rant and rave about Maharji and stuff that happened years ago; who cares?

Well, I don't know about ranting and raving, but I think that history has some importance. I agree that it is counter-productive to dwell on the past, but I think the past is worth a nod of recognition, and if so, that it is worth taking the trouble to get it right. But certainly the main thing is the present, and what is going on now.

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